“God, thy will is hard.”
So prays Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane in the awesome rock opera, Jesus Christ Superstar. My husband and I are heading to a doctor’s appointment for him this afternoon, and we’re both feeling very anxious. If his doctor is extremely legalistic, my husband could lose his license – and most likely his job – for a year. Our state will let those with DUIs drive after multiple offenses, but let someone have a medical condition, and it’s all over.
Night before last I was tossing and turning with worry, and I prayed,” God, please let this go our way if it’s your will.” Praying for God’s will to be done is a scary thing. I remember teaching a group of senior adult ladies one time, and the question came up, “Why is it hard to pray for God’s will to be done?” (I just LOVE teaching seniors, because all their responses come from years of experience and 60+ years of living their faith, so they can come up with some very valuable gems.) One lady responded, “Because we’re afraid that God will use us to do his will.” And isn’t THAT a scary thought!?
If today doesn’t go our way, then it could mean a tremendous change in our family situation. It could mean my husband being the stay-at-home parent and home educator while I go out as the wage earner. Since I’m a minister, that very well could be the situation. I was fretting over the job market, about how hard it is for degreed professionals to find jobs that pay them what they’re worth. But it came to me as I vented to my best friend: If God wills for me to work as a minister in some paid capacity, then the position will be there. My friend said, “Stop! You’re trying to determine the color of the egg before it’s even laid!” I said, “Yeah. Actually, we don’t even know if we’re dealing with a hen or a rooster.” And that’s the case.
So we’ll go and we’ll hope. We need to get him the help he needs, and as scary as it is, we have to risk the sacrifices for him to get better. We’ll deal with the chicks if they even appear.